Long time...

So long that I now discover that blogger has changed itself. Oh wells...

Same old moonbug, same old Canberra.

Oh wait! No! I've only been here for nine months (long enough to have a baby- but I didn't). I find I have been neglecting this poor blog as I have come to view Canberra as home now rather than just another place I am moving to. This is a good thing, Perth may be the place where I grew up but it certainly isn't home.

I went back to Perth for Christmas. Whilst it was good to see maybe one or two people and okay to see another few I have to say that I felt I wasted my time.

Now don't get me wrong, Perth is a pretty city and well worth a visit if you haven't been there (ideally in the Spring- nice weather, wildflowers, festivals etc) but it was the town I grew up in. It was the town where I've had fun. But it is also the town that is full of pain and bad memories. A place that in many ways haunts me with hurt and regret. Well I try not to regret anything but there is alot of stuff that has caused "yet another fucking oppertunity for growth" that happened in Perth.

It was nice to see my crazy loud family, lots of good fun over Christmas and nice to see Nevryn, Olly, the Penguins and a few others. But at new years eve, one of the most important days in my calendar, the place I wanted to be and the people I wanted to be with were at home. I spent AEDT midnight on the phone to Nemo and listening to the Canberra fireworks...

Over the past few months I have done alot of reflection about the people I interact with and my friendships. I had a wonderful albiet short romantic liason, have rediscovered and strengthened many previous bonds, actively assessed the type of people I wanted to associate with, assessed the way I am perceived and found some people who are very important and special in my life.

I have also looked at some of the ways I have been treated in the past and am aware not only that I cannot, will not, put myself in those spaces again. I am tired of being judged by gossip and lies. I am tired of helping and investing in people who will not do the same for me. I am tired of tryng to maintain friendships across the country with people who don't put in any effort of their own. I am tired of some old story from the past being spread around and people assuming that I am just the same and I haven't grown and changed. I am not stagnant and what is it with Perth people who do not understand this?!

So right now I am working to surround myself with people who are wonderful, caring and worthy to know. People who are quirky, friendly and who care and share about the same things as me. I want to be with people that will care for me and help me even when I am unable to help myself. And I want to be with people who I will care for and help if they need it.

I left Perth early and spent a few days in Sydney. It still is a loud, busy, rude city but it was nice to be somewhere different and alone to chill out for a bit before going back to work. Did a bit of shopping, saw some touristy things, hung out in the Park, saw some great photos at the museum and ate ice-cream with Ben who then drove me back to Canberra.

At work they asked if I went home for the break. My response?

"I went to Perth and loved it so much I left early and went to Sydney for a few days. And then I came home."

Because home is where you feel safe and loved. It's where the people who value you are. Where the people who love you and will protect you are. It's where the people who you love, care for, protect and value are.

And it has taken me 26 years to find this place...

So thank you to the Canberra crew, you know who you are, for helping me to find a place where I am welcomed and safe. Thank you for making this town feel like home.

The sunflowers are doing nicely. Happy 2007!